How to take charge with ‘Humble Inquiry’
In an achievement oriented world, people feel they need to know everything as a leader and the subordinates tend to have a similar expectations which creates a communication barrier. In order to truly collaborate, one needs to understand the fact that there are things which others know, that we may need to know in order to accomplish a task successfully. This also establishes an open communication, which enables both the parties to build trust and ask questions out of curiosity with a willingness to listen.
This article will quickly summarize the “Humble Inquiry” by Edgar H. Schein. We will look at what it means exactly, why this isn’t practiced often and How to get started with it and avoid the common pitfalls.
What does Humble mean
The ‘Here-and-now’ Humility is important to get started with the art of ‘Humble Inquiry’. This kind of humility is easy to see and feel when you are the subordinate but is invisible among managers who may assume that the formal power granted by the position itself will guarantee the performance of the subordinate.
Why are we stuck in a culture of Do and Tell
The tacit assumption based on our biological roots is that life is fundamentally and always a competition. Someone has to be the alpha male. The idea of reciprocal cooperation where both parties win is not on our radar screen except where pragmatically necessary. We all do much more telling than we should.
You always want to listen to something which new, interesting and most importantly something that makes sense for you, it’s really frustrating otherwise.
The reluctance we display when someone asks us for feedback mirrors the degree to which we are afraid to offend or humiliate. We duck the issue by trying to emphasize positive feedback, knowing full well that what we really are dying to hear from others is where they see us as wanting or imperfect, so that we can improve. We see all our own imperfections because our concealed self is filled with self-doubt and self-criticism, and we wonder whether others perceive the same flaws. And, of course, they do, but they would not for the world tell us. It is difficult to be open and vulnerable.
We do not like or trust groups. We believe that committees and meetings are a waste of time and that group decisions diffuse accountability. We only spend money and time on team building when it appears to be pragmatically necessary to get the job done.
The old ways may not work now, We need to adapt to the changing dynamics at work and life in general.
“The world is becoming more technologically complex, interdependent, and culturally diverse, which makes the building of relationships more and more necessary to get things accomplished and, at the same time, more difficult. Relationships are the key to good communication; good communication is the key to successful task accomplishment; and Humble Inquiry, based on Here-and-now Humility, is the key to good relationships.”
I’m sold but how to get started
Humble Inquiry is not a checklist to follow or a set of prewritten questions — it is behavior that comes out of respect, genuine curiosity, and the desire to improve the quality of the conversation by stimulating greater openness and the sharing of task-relevant information.
The skills of Asking in general and Humble Inquiry in particular will be needed in three broad domains
- In your personal life, to enable you to deal with increasing cultural diversity in all aspects of work and social life
- In organizations, to identify needs for collaboration among interdependent work units and to facilitate such collaboration
- In your role as leader or manager, to create the relationships and the climate that will promote the open communication needed for safe and effective task performance
Few examples to illustrate how Humble Inquiry can work in the above 3 scenarios
Personal relationships — For work-life balance, asking a question about what someone has on mind before dismissing them saying “I’m busy”, opens up a conversation where you both get to decide and understand each other.
Supervisory Role — Instead of telling your peers/ subordinates what to do to find a solution to a problem, trust them and make them a part of problem solving. Do not take decisions for other person, let them know the scenario and enable them to make their own decisions.
Group Setting — Ask questions that are relevant to the group and let everyone speak out from the heart with no interruptions. This will boost the group bonding and bring clarity on what the common goal is, Instead of just one person telling what others should do.
Clarifying Questions— Before jumping to tell what you know, make sure you understand what the person really wants to know. Ask an example to get better clarity.
Asking it at the right time can help you articulate a more helpful response as well as let the other person re-evaluate their thought process .
Even if something has been established for a long time, its okay to question its basic definition — that could probably lead to re-definition as per changing times.
Provide options — Try understanding the other person, where they are coming from and Provide them with choices if possible. Let them choose what works best for them instead sternly telling them to do something.
Here’s a pitfall though
“Personalization is the process of acknowledging the other person as a whole human, not just a role”
Remember that it needs to be sincere. There are a lot of other cues which might give out wrong signals and fail all your efforts to break the barriers.
In talking to many subordinates in organizations, I find that the insincere boss is spotted very quickly and often resented. I suspect, therefore, that if I am not really interested, the other person will sense it, no matter how I phrase my questions.
The ‘Inquiry’ needs to be according to the situation
Questions can fall under any of the following categories
Humble — You have no bias and are not trying to steer the content or flow of the conversation in any particular way
Diagnostic — Asking further about feelings and Reactions, Causes and Motives, Action oriented and Systemic queries.
This makes the other person think about something they haven’t thought about and put them in uncomfortable position, it steers the convo in a particular direction.
Confrontational — Similar to Diagnostic, additionally tries to control the content of the convo
Process Oriented — Focuses on the process of the conversation itself, might make the other person feel conscious.
How do I know which question to pick up
One way to learn to reflect is to apply Humble Inquiry to ourselves. Before leaping into action, we can ask ourselves: What is going on here? What would be the appropriate thing to do? What am I thinking and feeling and wanting? If the task is to be accomplished effectively and safely, it will be especially important to answer these questions: On whom am I dependent? Who is dependent on me? With whom do I need to build a relationship in order to improve communication?
Make sure you follow all the above steps properly and avoid the common traps that most people fall into easily.
Are you ready to embrace this new skill?
“The toughest relearning, or new learning, is for leaders to discover their dependence on their subordinates, to embrace Here-and-now Humility, and to build relationships of high trust and valid communication with their subordinates.”
Consider how much of the work done in today’s technologically complex world cannot be done by the leader; hence the leader must learn to live with Here-and-now Humility
Connect with your team and people with ‘Humble Inquiry’ and make sure that they are comfortable sharing information with you even if it is negative feedback. For this kind of relationship building, you need to create a “cultural island,” a situation in which you will attempt to suspend some of the cultural rules pertaining to authority and trust relationships.
PS: The illustrations were taken from New Yorker Cartoons
